J.A. Quadri: The Role of Education in Building a Culture of Peace

THE ROLE OF EDUCATION IN BUILDING A CULTURE OF PEACE: INTER-FAITH HARMONY, NATIONAL INTERGRATION AND NATIONAL DEVELOPMENT (Islamic Perspective)

JUNAID ABDUL QUADRI

In the name of the Almighty Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful. I thank ALLAH and I ask for His mercies to be showered upon all His distinguished servants. Is ALLAH not greater than all what they ascribe to Him as partners?

Education has, over the decades, established its importance in the development of any nation. The trend of leadership and scope of management would bring out efficiencies if the leaders are well equipped with information. Those who cease to learn have been considered as those who cease to develop. This is the reason it is important to inform any youth , who are generally regarded as the future ambassador of any community that striving for education today is equipping yourself to be a leader tomorrow. Since education and knowledge of technical know-how are instruments of empowering them for the leadership skills and proficiencies.

To this end, we would base the analyses of this topic on six important terms. These terms are “INFORMATION AND EDUCATION”; “CULTURE”; “PEACE”, “DEVELOPMENT” “FAMILY”, ‘WOMEN”. But since the allotted space could not give us a grace of being expansive, we will, Insha Allah, dwell on the most crucial two, which are “INFORMATION AND EDUCATION” and “PEACE”. Nevertheless, the urge to do justice to the topic will enhance giving overview definitions of others.

DEFINING INFORMATION

INFORMATION could be defined from various perspectives. But in this context, we would define information from just two perspectives-“Education” and “Communication”. From the educational perspective, information is defined as “Knowledge acquired through study or experience or instruction (Advanced English Dictionary). While Aina Sina (2006: 3) gives its communicational perspective’s definition to be “… gathering, storage, processing and dissemination of messages, data, pictures, facts, beliefs, opinions and comments.

It enables people to understand and react in an informed manner to personal, environmental, national and international conditions."

Observation says that the two perspectives are interwoven, since we know that before you inform (communicate) … you must first be informed (educated).

FAMILY: THE CONCEPT OF PARENTHOOD AND PARENTAGE

Synonyms: brood, household, people, ancestors, blood, breed, clan, dynasty, kindred, house, lineage, race, stock, strain, tribe, class, subdivision and group.

DESCRIPTION: Parents and their children

WOMEN

PEACE

INFORMATION: EDUCATION VERSUS COMMUNICATION

EDUCATION: Even Allah (S.W.T), when he wanted to appoint Prophet Muhammed, the first thing he compelled him to do was “to read”:

Allah says: Read! In the name of your Lord who has created all that exists.
He has created man from a clot (a piece of thick coagulated blood.
Read! And your Lord is the Most Generous.
Who has taught (the writing) by the pen.
He has taught man that which he knows not.
(Qur’an 96: 1–5)

This tells the essentiality of education in leadership. On this note, W. Fusselman in Maxwell J. C. (2001) concludes that “Today a reader – tomorrow a leader.” Maxwell himself now explains that:

One of the principles I’ve always tried to practice is to be well – read. I believe every meeting I enter without …good information is one where I can’t easily assume my leadership role. Knowledge is power. As the leader, I must know more about the options in front of us, than my wards and committees. Reading helps my leading. (“The Power of Leadership, 118-119)

Also one of our scholars in Islam says that:

Struggling for knowledge of the fear (of Allah) is the most suitable and appropriate. Verily the exhibition of religion (or any activity) without its proper knowledge is an ignoramus falling into the ocean of ignorance.

Thus, Albert Einstein (1954: 62) suggests that “the value of a man… should be seen in what he gives and not in what he is able to receive”. But, he who does not know could never give. This fact explains the point of a poet who says that:

A community without a leader can never excel, and a community has no leader if its leader is an ignoramus.

The prophet of Allah, Muhammed, (S.A.W.) thus further explains that:

The best of knowledge is the knowledge of the community and the best of what you suppose to guide is that communal disposition.

This now concludes that any leader who does not have a fundamental knowledge of his community could not succeed as a leader. Let me conclude this point by the illustration of Einstein, who declares that:

… a day of celebration generally is in the first place dedicated to retrospect, especially to the memory of personages who have gained special distinction for the development of the cultural life. This friendly service for our predecessors must indeed not be neglected; particularly as such a memory of the best of the past is proper to stimulate the well-disposed of today to a courageous effort. But this should be done by someone who from his youth, has been connected with this state and is familiar with its past, not by one who like a gypsy has wandered about and gathered his experiences in all kinds of countries.

These are being encouraged for us to learn how to rule peacefully, efficiently and effectively. The issue of peaceful co-existence should thereby be of our concern. We should now stand to educate ourselves for peace but not for shenanigans, skirmishes, chaos or perpetual rioting. There is however a danger that the problem of educating for peace may be handled from an emotional, rather than a realistic standpoint. Little will be gained without a thorough understanding of the underlying difficulties of the problem.

This now suggests the fact that every leader or prospective leader, in extension, must have rooted in some fundamental knowledge of ‘self’ and some other mystiques in order to study and understand a proper human relations activities. Before you can assume a post of leadership, you must have been rooted in certain knowledge. These include:

KNOWING YOURSELF AS AN INDIVIDUAL

The observation and conception of oneself is important in any leadership role. The Qur’an buttresses this:

By Nafs and Him who perfected it in proportion then he showed him what is wrong for him and what is right for him. Indeed, he succeeds who purifies his own self (i.e. obeys and performs all that Allah ordered, by following the true Faith of Islamic Monotheism and by doing righteous good deeds). And indeed he fails who corrupts his own self ( i.e. disobeys what Allah has ordered by rejecting the true Faith of Islamic Monotheism or by following Polytheism or by doing every kind of evil wicked deeds)

To complement this, my noble prophet Muhammad (S. A. W) also says that:

Verily, there is one flesh in (human’s) body, if this flesh is good, the entire body would be good, but if the flesh is polluted, the entire body is polluted. Definitely, that flesh is your “heart”.

These show that identifying oneself is a crucial step towards preparing yourself to be instrumental to the development of your nation.

And this could now be regarded as the concept of “Self.” The concept of self is a complex one in psychology to the extent that scholars are not unanimous on what it is. It has however been described as the summation of an individual’s thinking behavior or what he believes to be true about himself and the significance accorded those beliefs.

Though it manifests frequently in physical attitude, it nevertheless originates from our thinking pattern or inner feelings. Brooks (1976: 53) defines it as “the aggregate of those physical, social and psychological perceptions of ourselves that we have derived from our experiences and our interaction with others.”

Self-concept involves two aspects: These are “I” (the personal self) and “Me” (the social self). While “I” refers to that self which an individual believes himself to be and strives to be, the “Me” refers to the manner in which an individual appears to others. The extent of consistency between “I” and “Me” plays an important role in determining individuals’ behaviors. The greater the extent of consistency between “I” and the “Me”, the more harmonious relationship and individual will have with others (Dwivedi 2001: 236).

Some scholars argue that the personal self “I” is only what could be referred to as “self concept” since it expresses what one conceives about him either good or bad. But the “social self” “me” should be referred to as “self image”, since it largely obtained from our interactions with others and derived from how we are categorized by others for good or bad.

But both the two school of thoughts agree that the combination of these two concepts open ways to other “self” concepts, which are initiated and influenced by the three major concepts in psychology: the concept of “ID”, “Ego” and “Super Ego”. These gave birth to:

Self Esteem: This concerns an individual’s ability to appreciate his on worth and his readiness to accept responsibility for his own actions or risks taken. Aristotle sees it to mean the perceived feelings of adequacy in assigned roles in life. It is derived from physical features, talents and abilities.

Self Efficacy: This is the belief by an individual that he has the ability for goal or task accomplishments. It determines the person’s choice of acceptance or rejection of the post of leadership.

Self Respect: This refers to the intrinsic feeling of an individual’s worth or personal conviction about one’s value or set-standards. A leader with this cherishes his own value or standards to an extent of not relying on the approval of others. This can degenerate into arrogance, self glorification and overestimation of our abilities. People with this exhibit numerous self-confident behavior; they are not demotivated by previous failures or errors because they believe that every new endeavour has something new to teach; they are tolerant of others; and they realize their own limitations in certain areas and are not afraid to admit errors.

Self Control: This is the quality that enables a man to impose a restraint on his emotions, utterances and actions. It is also known as “personal discipline”.

Self Knowledge: This refers to individual’s knowledge of what he can do and what he can not do. It tells us more about our ability and capability.

Self Deception: Examples of this are impersonalism, imposturism and lying. It is essentially an ego problem and a manifestation of inferiority complex.

Self Concealment: Individuals with this concept do not “advertise themselves. It might be referred to as humility or self-debasement. In a negative form, individuals can also conceal their devilish deeds through this process. “A story of Fabiyi…”

Private Self: This is our real or natural self.

Artificial Self: This is the public self. It is the aspect of ourselves presented in public as part of impression management. Different circumstances may compel a man to act contrary to his natural self.

The Pre-determined Self: This refers to the pre-natal self that helps in molding a child’s personality. It intrudes on communication, especially in Africa where names are spiritually, mystically or philosophically linked to events that mark an individual’s life. For example, in Wole Soyinka’s book “Ake: The Years of Childhood” (1981), Soyinka told us why his parents changed his younger brother’s name from Dipo to Femi. They had reasoned that “Dipo” was a pugnacious and scatter brain name and so they had it changed to one considered capable of giving him good personality. Femi Soyinka is today an eminent scholar. In fact he is a professor of medicine.

The Biological Self: The difference in the reaction of people to similar events can be attributed to dissimilarity in biological and chemical composition. Behaviors arising from biological peculiarities are many and are usually interpreted to indicate a thing or two about an individual in a communication situation. They usually affect the credibility of the person, his or her attitude towards the audience and reception and interpretation of his or her message.

The Cultural Self: In is also known as “World View” of a community. It talks about how individual and his community believes that they affect each other. It is largely believed that these forms of “self” affect and influence leadership positively and negatively. They also shape and mold our behaviors.

NATURE AND PERSPECTIVE OF HUMAN BEHAVIOUR: PARENTS VERSUS CHILDREN

Albert Einstein argues that protagonists of nature or biological influence claim that “heredity or physical inheritance is the major determinant of observable human actions.”

What we are, what we do and how we act are genetically pre-programmed and there cannot be any deviation from this genetic push. They claim that the genes determine our sex, height, complexion and reactions to stimuli.

Biologically, genetic information resembles a thread-like structure called chromosomes. Most females (MOTHERS) have two large chromosomes, called “X chromosomes.” Males (FATHERS) usually have one “X chromosome” and one smaller chromosome called “Y chromosome.” Since it is the father who can contribute either an “X” or a “Y” chromosome, he determines the baby’s sex.

Each chromosome set contains about 50,000 smaller units known as genes. The gene is believed to be the basic unit of heredity. It is composed of a complex chemical substance called deoxyribonucleic acid, abbreviated as DNA. Genes are coded to direct the production of chemical substances called proteins. These proteins manufactured by cells determine how each individual develops. The first type of protein called structural protein forms physical building blocks like blood, muscle, bone and nerve cells. The second type, which is known as enzymes, controls the physique (Davidoff Linda 1987: 32:34)

According to Gittis (1980:25) heredity is the most important single cause of individual differences in intelligence. He now concludes that human temperament is determined by the combination of our parents’ genes and chromosomes at conception. This combination accounts for our actions, reactions, emotional responses and human relations ability and capability.

As such, failure to cooperate with this natural, biological make-up might turn us into something we never intended to be. It may also make it difficult for us to discover our natural self and to identify and manage our strengths and weaknesses.

To prove this point, the temperament theory originally propounded by Hippocrates, a Greek physician cum psychologist, born in 460 BC becomes relevant here. The theory categorizes certain strengths and weaknesses that influence an individual’s choice of vocation, his emotional reactions, his capacity for sustained effort despite frustrating circumstances and the impulsiveness of his actions as he relates with others. The categories are:

Sanguine; Choleric; Melancholy and Phlegmatic

The sanguine is such an outgoing individual that others regard him as a super extrovert. He is warm and lively. His capacity for enjoyment is high. He is noisy but friendly. And, he always appears more than he is. The following is generally considered as strengths of “Mr. Sanguine”: Mr. Sanguine

• makes friends easily;
• is not easily offended;
• is very liberal;
• forgives easily;
• is a best sales man; and
• loves art works.

His weaknesses include:

• is always cheerful to a fault;
• is highly emotional;
• thanks too much;
• is fearful;
• is not organized;
• does not think deeply; and
• is usually impatient, lousy and noisy.

The Choleric is a practical and strong willed individual. He is decisive, independent and opinionated. His strong commitment to issues makes him to succeed where others have bungled. Others tend to see him as an opportunist because he does not care to exploit people to achieve his goals. Though an extrovert, his outgoing nature is not as intense as that of a Sanguine. He too has the following strengths and weaknesses to his criticism:

Strengths:

• Mr. Choleric is a goal getter;
• He is hardworking;
• He hates failure;
• He is considered as a good leader;
• He is highly disciplined;
• He is a challenger.

Weaknesses:

• Mr. Choleric commands always;
• He is not easily pushed;
• He is stubborn;
• He could be wicked;
• He is usually inconsiderate, stingy, exploitative, insensitive, self-centered and argumentative.

Mr. Melancholy’s temperaments are the most diverse of all the types identified by Hippocrates. A time, his spirit may be so ecstatic that others may regard him as an extrovert and a times, he might appear otherwise. He is analytical, gifted and also a perfectionist with a great love for fine arts. He prefers others to reach out to him, thus he does not make friends easily. The following are considered to be strengths of a ‘melancholic’ man:

• He is an easy going person;
• Quiet and simple;
• Analytical;
• Net to a fault;
• Highly organized;
• Keeps appointment;
• Full of bright ideas;
• Artistically good; and
• He is a good planner.

For his weaknesses, he is considered to be:

• a strong critic;
• a less social person;
• too simple in appearance;
• sometimes irritant;
• quietly stubborn;
• one who has no confidence in others;
• stingy; and
• stringent in approach.

Mr. Phlegmatic is the calm and easygoing type. He appears as the most likeable because people find it easy to get along with him. He is never agitated in spite of surrounding circumstances. He avoids violence. He does not get involved in the activities of others, since he prefers to be a spectator. He has a good retentive mind and a mind that appreciate fine arts and other good things of life. Mr. Phlegmatic’s strengths are among the following:

• easy going;
• quiet and gentle;
• less emotional;
• highly considerate;
• thinker;
• a good planner;
• passionate; and
• artistically creative.

While his weaknesses include the fact that he is less active, he could be nervous and lazy, and could be physically weak and tone ranger.

Therefore, a leader, who himself falls under one or two of the aforementioned, is now saddled with the responsibility of coordinating people with combinations of all the four, needs more than just ordinary “talent” to be efficient. This makes John Maxwell (2007) concludes that “Talent is never Enough”. You need to be a Talent-Plus leader if you really want to be an achiever. These ‘Talent-Plus’ principles will be discussed later in this paper.

But interestingly, identifying and knowing these aforementioned traits will help in understanding how to persuade all your followers to meet up with your organizational goals.

LEADERSHIP AS IT ORIGINATES FROM FAMILY BACKGROUND

Leadership is crucial not only because it determines the management style, but also because achieving matrimonial, societal, corporate, communal and national objectives depends on the leader’s (fathers and mothers) ability to gain the commitment of his subordinates (children). And this could only be done through the appropriate knowledge of the nature of your subordinates for persuasiveness and the appropriate knowledge of the nature of leadership (as fathers and mothers as the case may be) for effectiveness.

This makes Sina Aina (2002 – 2007) defines leadership as “The process of influencing others to work willingly to achieve organizational goals, rather than out of fear.” Also leadership is both a process and a property. It is a process because it is the use of non-coercive influence to direct and coordinate the activities of a group for the accomplishment of its objectives. While as a property, leadership is the set of qualities or characteristics attributed to those who are perceived to successfully employ such influence. The first could be acquired through knowledge (“Talent”) but the second could only be achieved through practice (“Talent-Plus”).

At this points, Bill Newman’s “Ten Laws of Leadership” supports John C. Maxwell’s ‘Talent is never Enough’ by opining the following as what make a PARENTHOOD for effective nurturing of your family:

Belief lifts your talent to achieve efficient leadership. Maxwell says that: "The first and greatest obstacle to success for most … (Leader”) is their belief in themselves. Once people figure out where their sweet spot is ( the area where they are most gifted), what often hinders them isn’t lack of talent. It is lack of trust in themselves, which is a self-imposed limitation." Lack of belief can act as a ceiling on talent. People who believe in themselves, unleash power in themselves and resources around them that almost immediately take them to a higher level. Your potential is a picture of what you can become. But belief helps you see the picture and reach for it.

Passion is said to be the instrument that energizes your talent of leadership. We need to be informed that there is nothing that could take somebody to the top except passion. Passion makes us take risks, it makes us go extra mile, and do whatever it takes to achieve our goals.

Initiative activates your talent. Maxwell opines that “ Talent –Plus” leaders do not wait for everything to be perfect before they move forward. They don’t wait for all the obstacles to disappear. They take initiative. They know a secret that good leaders understand. Momentum is their friend. As soon as they take that first step and start moving forward, things become a little easier.

Focus directs your talent as a leader. Hank Aaron is being quoted to have said that “…what separates a superstar from the average ballplayer is that he concentrates just a little bit longer." So, we should always be focus in order to make ourselves outstanding future leaders. Focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses.

Preparation is the trait that positions every leader’s talent. You would definitely be out of position if you are being unprepared . Preparation positions people correctly, and it is often the separation between winning and losing. We should always work with the principle of “5 p's”. This principle says that: “Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance”.

Practice has been observed to be the sharpener of talent for most leaders. Consistently good practice leads to consistently good performance. It sharpens your talent. This is why Stephen R. Covey says that “if I have 10 days to cut a tree, I will use 6 days to sharpen my saw and 2 days to cut the tree. Successful Leaders value practice and develop the discipline to do it.

Perseverance is one of the most important elements of ‘talent plus’. It usually helps the sustainability, maintainability and ‘retainability’ of talents for both present and future leaders. Perseverance is not an issue of talent. It is not an issue of time. It is about finishing. Talent provides hope for accomplishment, but perseverance guarantees it. So,as a would be leader, you must always be persevered.

Courage ihe trait that tests your talent. C. S. Levis declares that “a leader who exhibits courage is often able to rule without regrets”. People think of courage as a quality required only in times of extreme danger or stress, such as during war or disaster. But it is much larger than that and more ordinary than we think. Thus, Jim Mellado opines that “Leadership is the expression of courage that compels people to do the right thing”.

Teachability expands your talent. Whatever you have learnt as a leader, you must try to teach your subordinates. This will keep you being at the leading role. Teachability is about attitude. It is the desire to listen, learn and apply. It is the hunger to discover and grow. And the willingness to learn, unlearn and relearn. We can not not communicate with one another.

Good character, as the case may be, protects you, your talent, your position and even your integrity. Many people with talent make it into the limelight, but the ones who have neglected to develop strong character rarely stay there long. Absent of good character eventually topples talent … Talented people are sometimes tempted to take shortcuts. Character prevents that. Talented people may feel superior and expect special privileges. Character helps them to know better. Talented people are praised for what others see them build. Character builds what’s inside them. Talented people have the potential to be difference makers. Character makes a difference in them. Talented people are often a gift to the world. Character protects that gift. Character is what builds self-discipline, which is the ability to do what is right even when you don’t feel like doing it.

A good leader must have a sense of relating with good people. Relationship is always set to influence your talent. Nothing will influence your talent as much as the good and important relationships in your life. Surround yourself with people who add value to you and encourage you to move your talent towards a positive direction. To this end, John Wooden suggests that “there is a choice you have to make in everything you do, so keep it in mind that in the end, the choice you make makes you”.

If you are responsible you are making yourself powerful. This is because; responsibility helps to strengthen whatever you have acquired as talent. The bitter truth is that “if you desire success, make responsibility your choice”. The one quality that all successful people have ”… is the ability to take on responsibility.”Teamwork

Teamwork, like responsibility, also helps to strengthen and it also to multiply your talent. If you want to do something really big, then do it as a part of a team. It doesn’t matter how equipped you may be - you have gaps. There are things you don’t do well. What now is the best way to handle your weakness? Partner with others who have strengths in these areas. Teamwork! Individuals make it to the top only with the help of others. Learn how teamwork can work for you.

These and some other more are what John C. Maxwell and Bill Newman corroboratively consider to be laws of a good leadership. We, the prospective future leaders, should learn and practice them to prepare ourselves for the challenges of leadership in our nearest future.

STYLES OF LEADERSHIP: PARENTHOOD AS A CASE STUDY

Leadership style can be defined as a consistent pattern of behavior portraying a leader’s beliefs and attitudes. We have three major styles of leadership, namely:

• Authoritarian/ Dictatorial Leadership;
• Democratic Leadership; and
• Laissez-faire Leadership

The authoritarian leader takes all the decisions, gives instructions and assigns tasks without consultations, explanations or corporate decision. The democratic leader arrives at a decision only after consulting his subordinates. He gives reasons for praises and criticisms. He is always friendly and standing to offer help. Laissez-faire leaders on the other hand, are passive in nature. They do not attempt to direct, control, coordinate the group or make any decision good or bad of the group. It is also called “free rein style”. This style is said not to be a leadership style, but absence of one. Lack of self-confidence and fear of non-performance can make a leader adopt this style.

Apart from the ones above, those who believe in functional approach to leadership have made distinctions between ‘task leadership’ and ‘process leadership’. A task leader gives the group’s direction and guidance by telling them what to do, how to do it and when to do it. His style prevents the group from losing track. But a process leader maintains interpersonal relationships and concentrates more on how to facilitate a congenial climate for the execution of group task.

EMPOWERING FUTURE LEADERS

How would we ensure that our youths are given their best opportunity to become empowered leaders? One of the leadership topics that we place a strong focus on is Conflict Resolution. These skills are undoubtedly valuable at any age, and learning them at this vital stage in life can have a remarkable positive impact on a young person’s life. Empowered Leaders’ Conflict Resolution skills include:

• appropriate assertiveness
• co-operative power
• managing emotions
• conflict mapping
• creative response
• designing options

The Empowering Future Leaders Program has many amazing benefits, particularly for youths during their transitional process just before undertaking political seats or gaining employment. Some of these benefits include:

• teaching of non-violent techniques for controlling crisis;
• teaching principles that emphasis methods of harmonizing with others, as opposed to punching and kicking;
• teaching how adaptability increased awareness of self and others;
• teaching how they could be able to adapt to situations with clarity and calmness;
• teaching principles that will focus on awareness and harmony to the resolution of conflicts; e.t.c.

With extensive experience combined with genuine care for subordinates or masses, in extension, future leaders would be able to rule successfully.

HOW DO YOU HANDLE LEADERSHIP?

HAVE you ever known a leader who focused on the task and inspired people to achieve it? Or one, who continually pushed people to try harder, barked out orders and issued threats? Who would you rather work for? Both leaders are task focused, so what’s the difference.

 How about a leader who is always friendly and nice to subordinates but lets them ‘get away with murder’ and another leader who is a friendly coach who expects, and gets, excellent results? Who would you rather work for? Both leaders are people focused, so what’s the difference?

 It’s the way a person does something that matters. Leaders who respect themselves as well as their followers are able to focus on the task when the need arises without getting people off-side. They are also able to focus on people without letting them forget who’s got the responsibility for results and what everyone is there to achieve.

Your beliefs about subordinates color your behavior as a leader. Which of the two lists below better reflects your opinions about the people in your work team?

List one

• People are basically lazy and work only because they have to.
• Because people dislike work, they will avoid it whenever possible and therefore need to be closely supervised, forced or threatened with dismissal before they will make the effort to contribute a fair day’s work.
• Employees are basically passive and would rather be told what to do than think for themselves or assume responsibility.
• They aren’t interested in or committed to the goals and vision of their organization or department.

List two

• Work is as natural as rest or play.
• Given the opportunity, employees will accept and even seek responsibility, respond to a challenge and feel satisfied when they do their jobs well.
• Self-motivation, enjoyment, the reward of individual effort and making progress lift productivity better than force and punishment.
• Employees would rather be committed to goals they believe are worthwhile, including organisational goals, then bored for eight hours a day, five days a week.

If the first list describes your views better than the second list, you might be what the late industrial relations pioneer, Professor Douglas McGregor, called the ‘Theory X’ leader, if the second better expresses your views you might be what he called the Theory Y leader.

Our leadership style reflects our inner beliefs about people. Theory X leaders, for example, tend to trust people less and supervise their work more closely than theory Y supervisors, who tend to give people more responsibility and involve them more.

We also know from the self-fulfilling prophesy that people are likely to respond to us in the manner we treat them. In short, we get what we expect, which reinforces our beliefs.

Leadership is like a piece of string. Pull the string, and it will follow. Push it and it will go nowhere. People are the same.

Leadership is not a title. It’s a package of mindsets, attributes, skills and knowledge.

You’ll know you’re a father when your children:

• Listen to your ideas and follow your suggestions.
• Look to you for signals or instructions on what to do.
• Seek your opinions and advice.
• Look to you to speak the truth.

You display your fatherly nature by:

• Learning from your mistakes.
• Doing your ‘homework’ and being prepared.
• Treating everyone with respect and courtesy.
• Sharing the credit, taking the blame.
• Communicating and staying focused on a clear vision and setting energizing goals.
• Surrounding yourself with competent people.
• Staying optimistic, even in challenging circumstances.
• Involving and including others.
• Thinking systematically.
• Seeking ways to improve things, do things better, easier, faster or more economically.
• Clarifying goals.
• Helping people reach their potential

Leadership is lifting a person’s performance to a higher standard and the ability to build personality beyond its normal limitations.

HOW DO YOU HANDLE CONFLICTS?

How do you handle conflict? Do you snap into complete mode and force your situation on others? If so, you risk losing respect and good will. If people accept your solution, it is likely to be only half-heartedly and they man even undermine it. So unless the other person is totally unimportant to you or the issue itself is hugely important, avoid imposing your solutions on people.

Perhaps, you automatically give in, or accommodate the other person. This ultimately saps your self-esteem and self-respect. Others quickly learn they can ‘walk over you’ because you let them. Unless the issue is of no importance to you, speak up for yourself.

Do you prefer to avoid conflict by ‘letting sleeping dogs lie’ or ‘sweeping it under the carpet’? Sometimes it is better to diplomatically sidestep an issue or postpone a discussion until a later time. However, people who prefer ‘peace at any price’, even when the issue or relationship with the other party is important, often find matters worsen over time. Everyone loses.

Are you often tempted to ‘split the difference’ and compromise? As quick and easy as this is, the result is often that no one is really satisfied and the underlying conflict smolders on. Unless you’re looking for an interim solution or time is running out, you can often do better than settling for a quick fix.

Perhaps you are inclined to sit down and talk through your differences with the other person, exploring what each of you want and discussing various ways you can both be satisfied. This collaborating approach takes time, but preserves relationships and solves the real issues. Do you have the willingness to try good communication and problem-solving skills and the self-confidence and patience they take?

These five conflict management styles, summarized, are based on the work of Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann. They seem to be habitual: in other words, we tend to use the same one or two styles every time we find ourselves in a conflict situation. Is your usual conflict management style a helpful one? Will it help you develop effective working relationships with your colleagues, customers and work groups? Will it help ensure your own needs, as well as others’, are met? Do you need to improve your skills in using, any of them.

 Should you say anything or not? Say something when both your goals and the relationship are important to you. Say something when the issue alone is extremely important to you.  Say something when the relationship is important. Save your breath when neither is that important.

The four steps to reach an agreement during conflict are:

Open a discussion is with a short framing statement outlining the ‘what’s, how’s and why’s of the conversation before beginning it. This ‘sets the scene’, explains what you want to discuss and prevents you from ‘jumping in with both feet’.

Next, state your point of view clearly and concisely. The most effective way to do this is to explain how you and your community are affected by the concern you are raising. This makes it less likely the other person will ‘counterattack’ or become defensive. Say something like: “When you did this and that ... It’s a problem because ... What I’d like from now on is ... Can we work together to make this possible?

Now it’s time to hear and understand the other person’s. Use your empathy and the EARS formula below to gather good information and show that you have hard it:

E - Explore by asking open questions
A - Affirm by Paraphrasing back
R - Reflect your understanding
S - Silence – listen some more

Develop some possible solutions together. Ensure that you and the other person are both putting forward solutions and that it is a collaborative exercise. Forget telling and try to gain a buy-in from the other person once a solution has been selected.

Ultimately, it is of my opinion that all stakeholders of this event will agree with me that this piece does not solve any problem, but it rather produces instruments through which we could solve any problem of leadership.

CONCLUSION

A broken family is preparing elements for a broken nation. If you want the future of your country peaceful, coordinating, accommodating, developed and efficient, start working on yourself and your family. If I work on my family, you work on your family and they work on their family, ultimately, we shall all have children who will work in peace and tranquility to achieve greatness and development in their larger society.